Toddler Anatomy

There are lots of things nobody tells you about being a parent. 

Off the top of my head there are a few things that come right to the forefront. For example, what kinds of things should you have on hand when you bring home a new baby? Did anybody mention "Shout"? Because stain remover is a must. I mean, have it in stock before you walk through the door. Or bibs, somebody forgot to mention that even this new faux velcro will wreak havoc on your no-show socks and undies. Ahhhh! And its not even real Velcro (seriously, when it comes to bibs get the ones with snaps. so worth it).

Not that it really matters, you live and learn. But I have been compiling a list of things I wish I had known so that when we have another one I'm ready. Its amazing how quickly you forget. Of course, there is that sleep deprivation factor... 

But anyway, back to the matter at hand. Anatomy. Don't be fooled by my mommyness. I'm a nurse. I may whip out some technical terms, so brace yourself. 

B is really into naming things lately. Head to toe, wall to wall, he wants to know what everything is. Its been really fun, and of course sometimes I make stuff up. It never really mattered, until now. Now when I say something incorrect he is listening, and remembering. For example, I called his belly button his "beep-beep", and every time he or I touched it I would make a crazy face and honk. Now if I call it anything other than "beep-beep" he says no and adamantly shakes his head. He will continue to repeat "that" and point at his adorable little innie until I honk and get silly. 

Baby parts are just cuter than adult parts. I say that as a fact and a statement. I hate feet, but oh man I snack on chubby little toes every chance I get around here! Need to wipe a bottom? No problem because they are tiny and soft and super cute too!

Because they are cuter and somehow more innocent, I cannot bring myself to say "penis" when B explores his southern attachment. What a gross word. Seriously. It's as bad as the female vagina. EWWWWW! 

Mike and I have discussed this. And we came up with nothing. We both voted no on: junk, weener, dingy, and every other crude term out there. I think my mom used "pee-pee" for my brothers, and that is probably my preference. But Mike claims that somehow that makes "it" sound small- although I am pretty sure size is not an issue for those who poop their pants. Just my opinion though. 

Are we really going to be "that" family? I babysat for a doctor's family when I was younger. While normal kids were pooping, these children had "BM's". (I will be honest, at first I had no idea what a BM was, or that that meant "take me to the bathroom fast"!) They didn't have bellies, they had an abdomen. Of course I know about about breasts, and derrieres, and navels. But we prefer boobies, and bums, and beep-beeps. There is also "that" other family, the one with the super crude kids. Sometimes its cute the first time a kids says something crazy, but I just don't find dirty mouth kids adorable. We want to be somewhere in the middle. Again, just our opinion. To each their own. 

What is really nuts about all this is how much responsibility you have as a parent. The other day Emma and I were finishing off the batter from a bowl of brownies and I licked my finger. Very deliberately, and with nothing on her finger, Emma licked her finger too. We locked eyes. I touched my nose, she did the same. And it hit me, she is watching my every move. How I react when I am mad, or tired, or happy. They hear all the words I say, even the ones I shouldn't be saying at all. 

Raising happy, healthy kids is serious business. Fun, exciting, sometimes tedious, but it is no joke. Its pushing me to be a better person, in every way. From eating fresh fruits and veggies every day so that they will, to watching my tongue, I am learning to be better and hoping they will turn out alright.

Like I said, no one can really prepare you to be a parent. But a safe bet is to start with yourself, hope all you have that is good, and kind, and wonderful will rub off. So it makes sense that the better you are the more good will rub off, right? Have I mentioned lately how much I love being a mom? It is literally the best1 I can honestly say I am happiest when I am with Mike and our kids. I love it!

May you all have the most thankful of turkey days, and feast until you are pleasantly (not overly) full (that is our goal). Happy turkey, sweet potato, and pumpkin festivities to you all! And as busy as this season gets, may you still find time to serve. I am so very thankful for all of you who have lifted my spirits with your endless kindness, and I hope I can pass it on so someone who needs it as much as I did. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Top 5 "Savers" for November

 Have you ever had days, or months, or maybe even years where you are so busy you don't even have time to check off your to do list? I have (and I'm starting to think it doesn't slow down, ever). Anyway, in the last few years I've picked up a few tricks that have really helped save time/money so I thought I'd share a few. 

There are several, but I have lots to do during naptime today, so 5 it is :)
 And I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm hoping you guys will share some of your "must have" time/money/energy tips with me!!!! Pretty please!!

5) BREAKFAST is the most important meal of the day. You have to have it. ESPECIALLY if you are nursing!! Even if you are not, it is better for your metabolism (which means weight ladies) and will boost your energy for the rest of the day. Now, I am not saying everything you eat must be a perfectly balanced meal, nor am I saying these shakes are. But I am saying they are cheap, fast, and they get you what you need. I also like Carnation breakfast packets.The point is, sometimes mornings are crazy and taking care of yourself gets last priority. I have had mornings where even downing a shake felt selfish, and it literally took me one minute. Anything longer just wouldn't have happened. I don't use these every morning, but I always have them ready in the fridge. And bonus, my diaper bag is insulated so I can take one on the go for a meal replacement as needed. Its worth it!



4)No More Ironing. EVER. We have an iron, and a mini board, but we don't even own a full size ironing board. Mike is in a dress shirt every day, and while I try to get clothes out of the dry fast I would be lying if I didn't admit there have been days clothes waited in a basket. I'm working on it. 
BUT, all you have to do is give your clothes a good mist with a squirt bottle the night before, shake out (give them a good shake), and hang to dry overnight. Your man will look so sharp (and your don't have to play Cinderella. Who would ever want to play her? Even for Halloween...?)
IF you need a small touch up, on a collar, cuff, or down the front, I use my hair straighter. True story. Works like a charm.  



3)Hair removal. For the record, ARMPITS are the WORST! However, I've had this for 1.5 years and it totally rocks. I only use it every 2-3 weeks and need nothing in between. The first few times you use it you may want to die. I won't sugar coat it, you are ripping your hair out so yeah, it hurts. BUT, its NEVER grown back all the way. And it doesn't hurt at all now. To give you a scale, its more painful than tweezing (because its more at a time), but less painful that a bikini wax (a story for later). Three reasons to use this: 1) You will save time in the shower every day. 2) Saves money on razors and gel, and its rechargeable. 3) You'll be hairless and happy. Ode to Joy.  Just in case you have ever had a moment of impromptu romance and decided against it because you felt the underarm forrest was perhaps a turn off for all- problem solved. 



2)Crock Pot or slow cooker. Your new best friend. The end of the day is when my munchkins are the most likely to be cranky, and that is right when I am trying to clean up and make dinner. Enter, the lifesaving timesaving crockpot. I think I am going to to a whole entry soon on my fastest most favorite dinners. Our latest favorites include chicken cordon bleu, lasagna, stroganoff, and shredded pork. Example: Kids take naps, I fix dinner, and we spend the afternoon at the park having fun (or running errands). We come home, house smells great and Mike walks in to a delicious meal and I'm happy because I am, for once, domestic goddess. And it feels good. And then tastes good
 

1)Hair care. Mike likes long hair. And something  

about my face just looks enormous with short hair. SO, long, wavy, crazy hair it is. But I've changed my routine in the last two years, and my hair is healthier, longer, and softer than ever before. (No, Garnier hasn't called yet, but oh well. As if I have time to be a hair model, emphasis "as if" ;) Anyway the trick is to only wash it every 4-5 days. I used to wash it every other, but that strips your hair of all the healthy oils it needs. It takes a little while to get your hair used to washing it less, but its so worth it. Buy a good shower cap (and by good, I mean the cheapest walmart one will do just fine), and some dry shampoo or baby powder (I've used both and they were equally effective. Baby powder is cheaper and you can get cute little travel sized ones :)  Just wean your hair one day at a time. My hair is used to it now, so I only use baby powder on rare occasion, but at first I used it every 3 days or so to touch up any oily spots. I don't heat style my hair at all in between washings, so total time on my hair is 16 min (8 min to dry, 8 to curl/straighten) every 4 days, or 4 min/day. And my hair is always done. Its not amazing, but its wasn't amazing when I washed it every other day. Some day. Some day I know my bangs will learn to behave and my hair will stop trying to curl. I guess the grass is always greener on someone elses head.

(PS: for long hair, I recommend the Jilbere ceramic mega vent brush. Its as big as your head and will dry your hair in no time, even with a cheapo hair dryer. I've had mine for about 7 years and its still great)

The Day I Was 2

Sorry its been a while, Mike's birthday was last week, so obviously I was very busy...all week. Also, I worked out on Monday, Jillian's 20 min shred (although I only did 18 minutes of it because the kids insisted on a snack during round 3) and I was sore for three days. So I was too tired to write...nah. I'll stick with Mike's birthday excuse. Although it is true that I was sore that long. Moving on!

A more appropriate title for today might have been:

The Compilation of Ways in which I Have Acted Like a Two Year Old Lately.

But. I thought that was a little long. And it is possibly true I have acted like a two year old in many ways in the same day, so I went for the probably just as true shorter version. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up to this morning.

It began much like every other day. A frantic rush for everyone to get fed. Mike is the only one in the family who is not big into eating right away, he likes to be up for a while first. Not the rest of us. Breakfast in bed would be sufficiently fast. 

Next came diaper changing. Of course while I was changing Emma I was being super hilarious and made her laugh so hard she peed. After I got one diaper off, and before I could get another one on. Perfect timing. 

Then some story time (see our Facebook for today's video of that), quick FB check while I was on, more stories, and then more breakfast. Like I said, big breakfast eaters. 

While I was getting them dressed for the day, they threw their clothes around the room. And while I picked that up they managed to get the bathroom door open (it closes but never quite all the way), throw Mike's shoe supports in the toilet, and take an elbow bath in the pot. Lest you think me neglectful, the total time elapsed here is about 2 minutes. Maybe less. 

When I discovered their shenanigans, I cleaned it up, closed the door, and threw myself on the bed. Which caused both munchkins to throw themselves on the floor and pout that they weren't getting any attention. I looked and them, sprawled out preparing for a tantrum and hollered "No! Its my turn to throw a fit"! That was the moment I knew I was two. 

Now that I knew I was as two as my actual toddlers, I took a moment to reflect. And this was the shocker that came to light: I guess I'm a baby. Here's the list:

 

Someone better feed me face

I RACE to my breakfast. Like, can't function or be nice until I am fed. Its serious.

 

I snack during church. This is serious too.  


I always pack a snack. Okay. I eat all the time. I'd say about every three hours. Like my toddlers. ah.

 


 


 I love naps. Love them. I'm not into sleeping in- but I'll take a nap any day! I also really love to cuddle. And sleep on Mike. Yup, near is great, but if he can watch football I'll sleep on his lap just like the kids. That they may have learned from me :)

Waiting at the door

When Mike comes home I run for the door I'm so excited to see him. There are three of us running for him, and he only has two arms so its nice that my legs are the longest. :)

When Mike gets on his phone, I climb on his lap and situate myself strategically between his face and the phone to ensure 100% of his attention. The kids do this to me all the time. I think they taught me to do this. I'm pretty sure they didn't learn it from me. 

 

I like to move it move it. They won.

I pee my pants (just a little) when I'm really laughing or jumping. Oh gee.   

I want to use the computer. We all do. Its competitive. Who will win? Will it be pinterest and house-hunting, or "I like to move it move it" and "I like the flowers (youtube videos they love to dance to)"? 

Enthusiastic eaters

 

I bumped my head the other day on an open cupboard and slammed it shut and yelled. Just like Beckett. 

I got food on my face trying to eat a jar of nutella and pretzels as fast as I could. 

 

I like to eat things that are not good for me. (See above).
To my credit, I did tell Mike he should hide the nutella. And he didn't. So...blame should be at least 50/50 I think.

I cried on Saturday when I didn't get what I wanted. Which was unreasonable, because I wanted a million dollars. 




 
I like to try to fit into things that are too small. Although I think they like it more. But still, its always worth  a shot. Right?

Sometimes I stomp my feet. I cannot seem to stop. I really try, on account of it is a tad embarrassing. 










Seriously. 
Who hasn't. Don't lie.

And you know what. Sometimes I throw my clothes on the floor. Just because. Its somewhat satisfying. I kind of like it. At least until I have to pick them up. 





Anyway. All said, I guess its kind of fun to be two. And perhaps I'll have a little more empathy in the upcoming years of my life that we have toddlers around. I mean, how frustrated would you be if no one could understand you? That's how I felt when I first got to France on my mission. And why on earth wouldn't you want to roll in the leaves and eat books (Emma ate the lily pad out of our panda peek a boo book. bummer). I guess I'm more like my kids than I thought. 

On the other hand. They are watching everything we do all the time, and they are a lot more like us than you might think. They kind of amaze me already, they are so smart! 

I guess that means the average age in our home is fourteen. Mmm. 

But, I hear the munchkins getting up from a nap, and I'm as excited to get to the park as they are so au revoir!
 
(Dear Mike. I'm sorry. I'll grow up. Thank you for being patient with me. I love you. Love, me)

Shark Poo

Okay. I have to warn you. This is true. So I'm just going to tell it like it happened. Its almost Halloween, you've been warned. It might scare you.    
                            

It had been one of those days. The kids were into everything. I mean everything. The fridge, oven, dishwasher, bookshelves, toy box, pantry... you name it, they (particularly Beckett) were in it. I had literally been running around behind them all day just trying to keep it safe and reasonably clean. Remember last Monday, when I told you my house was usually clean? I LIED. What I meant was, I spend all day cleaning, but unless they are asleep, there is evidence of where my munchkins have been.

And then it was bath time. I had to. I didn't want to. They have been real twerps in the tub lately. But because they had found a pack of gum, a pen, and eaten Mac N Cheese I had no choice. Use your imagination, but know that it really was bath time. I have one rule in the tub, no standing. I don't want anyone getting hurt. But here is the thing. There are a million things I could get after them for, especially on a day like this. I hate it when I hear myself saying "no" too much. I think at some point you just have to pick your battles. So I let them stand in the tub. I paid dearly for that.

It all began when Emma's face turned red. I knew what was happening, even though this had never happened before. But there was nothing I could do. Two enormous terds were swimming around chasing Beckett before he knew it. And he was terrified. I mean, he was really scared. SCREAMING his head off. Emma, on the other hand, was trying to stomp on them. Beckett's running and Emma's stomping churned the water such that Emma successfully stomped those buggers into multiple bits. GROSS. 

It is moments like that that frankly I just don't enjoy my job.
I laughed yes, but also I hated it.

A mother's love is an incredible thing. It can weather anything the storms of child rearing can throw it. Hopefully, if you are a parent, you know you are not alone in the plethora of emotions you can feel in any given day. If your kids are being little...stinkers, and there is shark poo swimming in your tub, or food on the floor, or boogers on your clothes, or they sass you, or whatever it is they come up with- you are not alone. And of course you may not love that moment. This does not make us bad parents. On the contrary. I'm pretty sure there would be something wrong with you if you liked poo monsters in your tub. Kids need real parents, to teach them how to handle the...crap life will throw at them. They are basically giving you the opportunity to shine. How nice of them :)  Besides, a little soap and all is well again. Easy cheesey. All in the day of a superparent. 

Nothing a bubble bath can't fix

Good thing kids are so cute. And washable.

October Weekend

Autumn is easily my favorite season.

The view from my couch

I love everything about it. I love when the weather cools off, the vibrant colors, flavors (like pumpkin!), going back to school (or the idea of it since now we are GRADS!!), hot chocolate, boots, scarfs, hot soup and bread bowls...I just love it. Its been fall since we moved here four weeks ago (I can't believe how fast that went by!). Its just a slow, delicious, incredible autumn. Georgia is so lush. Green (my favorite color), and trees everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I love Utah fall, but its about a week long and then its over. Since it rains weekly here, the grass and leaves are still alive. Perfect backdrop to the incredible colors of fall. If autumn was a person, it could be me. Something about this incredible season is just like a fire in my heart. I love it. 

Other things I love: the WEEKEND!! The weekend actually technically started about 5pm on Friday with the story I will share below. But I'm going to start with Saturday. It was the best. Mike and I took the kids to the park, and then got ice cream! It was one of those days so sweet and idealistic I wanted to freeze time. Perfect happiness.

                                                       

Never Say Never!

My Top 5 "NEVERS"

                             Mushrooms. 
Refused to eat them growing up. Boy was I missing out! Turns out when stuffed with cheese and sausage those fungi are amazing. Mmmm. Just wanna stuff them in my mouth. All of them. Right now. 

The Girls: Carley, Jenni, Me, Mom

                                  Mother
 I definitely said I wouldn't become mine. But what did I know as a dumb kid? She is incredible and I am thankful for her every day. I catch myself saying/doing things like her all the time. But like I said, its a good thing. She is amazing. 

Skinny Jeans. I dunno, I just hated them at first. Then I liked them but I was sure they would not look good on my buns. Wrong again. Jenni, my sister, took me shopping for my birthday and bought me a some. They are so dang comfortable!  Now we rock our matching skinnies all the time! 

                               Minivan
This was very high on my NEVER list. In fact Mike and I had this discussion before we even got married. It went something like this: (me) "If you get me pregnant and think I'm gonna haul our kids in a minivan you have another thing coming". I guess that wasn't a discussion. But that's how it went. But the Odyssey we just bought- my idea! Believe it. I'll do a review on it soon in case you are thinking about crossing over. You may never drive anything else again. It'll rock your world.

                                  Mike
Yes. Shocking but true. Mike was on my never list for not one, but two reasons. I NEVER dated anyone younger than me. It just never happened, strictly against my policy. Not that any immature kid ever even caught my eye. That was the first never. The second was that we served in the same mission. Before I left I was vehement about not dating a guy from my mission. But we were best friends. I had no choice, he is that handsome. I was swept off my feet, he rocked my world! Of all my "nevers" he is the best. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder how I got so lucky. Oh man do I love him! Plus, look what we did :)

        The moral of today is: Never Say Never!

IF Its Really True

LDS Mount Timpanogos Temple

So this last weekend was the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a bi-annual church wide meeting broadcast around the world). And it was incredible. I've just been thinking about what that really means to me, so whether you are also LDS or whether you aren't, just please stay with me for a few minutes. 

IF this church is for real, and IF what was shared this weekend is really true:

- There is a God, a Heavenly Father, and He loves us. As simple as that seems, imagine it. Someone is actually there, and He truly cares about your happiness, because you are His child.
 
- Jesus Christ is our older brother. Our brother. And I know of nothing else in the world that says "I Love You" like giving your life for someone the way He did for us. 

"I stand at the door and knock"

- Our lives have meaning and purpose. We existed before this life, and death is not the end. If you ever wondered if it even matters how you live your life, or have lost someone you love-just imagine if that is really true. 

- Marriages, and families, are forever. Since death is not the end, you can spend eternity with those you love. It may be hard to imagine with the way marriages are these days. But it is possible.

- Life is hard, it just is. No getting around it. Marriage, loss, being lost...sometimes it is just hard. And we are going to need some help along the way- and He is there for us when we need Him. When we talk to Him (ie, pray), He hears and answers you.

- He is here in unmistakeable presence. That warm, safe, encircled feeling (you absolutely know in your heart when you feel Him) is how He reaches out to you. He has also given us heavenly letters (scripture), through people who lived both long ago and today. Testimony that will remind you He is there, and what you can do to find peace, or happiness, or direction in your life.

The First Presidency of the Church today

    What I really, really wanted to say today is this: I believe it. I really believe I am loved, and that my prayers are heard. I believe God cares how happy I am, and that He is by my side on the days I don't know how I will make it. I believe that there is more that this life, and that gives me incredible peace during times of loss and trial. I believe everything that was shared this weekend, because I believe that God speaks to us through His prophet- just has He has since the beginning. I know word like prophet, and scriptures are outdated. Sure. But here is the thing. I have prayed, and I got answers. I have read the scriptures, and I know for myself that I am happier when I do. IF you want to know if its really true, you can. Because He is there, and He does love you, and He will answer you.

    I have been so eager to share a few of the things I felt this weekend. This is something so dear to my heart. Often with dear things we protect them, keep them close. But for those moments when you may feel alone, or lost, or frustrated, or even just curious, I want to share with you where I looked and found my happiness, my strength, my faith. Because if it's really true, imagine how it would change your life.