Our home is beautiful. I can't wait to live there. It feels happy, clean, and peaceful. That is thanks to the family that has been there, building memories and raising a home of happy, active kids. Our hope is to keep that same feeling there always.
The yard is fenced, with a basketball court, playhouse, and soft grass- its a child's dream. I have big plans for the kids rooms and playroom. Its perfect. It's cozy. Its where we plan to be for a long long time. Our kids are so excited.
Our boxes are packed. We never really unpacked once we left Georgia. They are sitting in storage, waiting to be carefully arranged in our new home. There isn't a whole lot of interior storage space, so anything we don't use daily will be stored in the garage or shed. I'm mentally sorting the boxes now.
I have a beautiful dark wood crib I picked out for Beckett. I already gave Emma's crib to a friend (assuming that we may not ever get lucky enough to have two babies in our home again). But I couldn't bare to part with both. In fact, I have boxes of baby treasures I have been saving over the years. Tiny pajamas, little tubs and toys. Soft blankets, my favorite carseat and stroller... As we were leaving Georgia I couldn't help but peek in these special boxes and pray we would need to pull them out soon. My hopes were high. I could still smell traces of that sweet baby smell as my fingers sifted through the soft baby clothes.
I can't help but remember bath-times, long nights, and first smiles. Memories rush back, memories held back with the sadness are finally allowed in all their tender power.
These tiny items hold so many memories of my life's happiness. They are invaluable. Carefully sorted and packed, I cannot bear the thought of burying them in storage among holiday decorations. Imagining these boxes, and my dreams, gathering dust in a dark shed makes me want to cry. Makes me actually cry.
What really breaks my heart is knowing that my heart is not the only one waiting. Somewhere out there is a mother who is waiting too. We are both waiting for a baby. We are both mothers. We will both be changed forever. I know in my heart that there is a mother and a baby who are waiting for us, just as we are waiting for them. The world is too big, our circles too small- but somehow I know we will find each other. We just might need a little help. But I won't stop looking, because I know somewhere their hearts are waiting too. Waiting for peace, waiting for love.
So wherever our birth-mother is, and whatever she is going through we are here. We are ready. I am here to help you through what may be the most difficult thing you have ever gone through. You are not alone. I promise I will love our child always, just as you will. Always.
