A Love For All Seasons

It's all fine and dandy to be all in love and on top of the world. Yeah for young, "honeymoon" love. While you may think you read sarcasm in that, I promise its not there. I love love. Hand holding, cuddling, dating, all the cheesey stuff- I love it. For real.

But since this is my blog, about my life, and I'm not in a honeymoon phase of anything right now- I'm not going to write about that.

But I am going to write about love, and dedicate it to my love. So Mike, this is for you.

Thank you. Thank you for holding my hand when you would probably rather wring my neck. Thank you for doing the laundry so I can spend time with the kids during the week. Thank you for cleaning up the dishes at night. Thank you for listening to me when I'm saying what I've already said a hundred times. It means the world to me that you care about my happiness. Thank you for all of the little things you are doing to try to ease my load. I know you hear about the things you aren't doing- and I need to be better about telling you how much I appreciate all you do. Thank you for loving me when I take you for granted.

You are an amazing dad. The best I have ever seen. Sure you don't always do things the way I would- and I know I get on you about that. But when I see the way you are with the kids, and I see how lucky they are to have you, all that little stuff just doesn't matter anymore. I don't tell you that enough. Thank you for loving me when I am ungrateful.

Thank you for loving me enough to overlook the smudges of yesterday's makeup and kiss me before I've brushed my teeth. Thank you for holding me close even if I choose to stay in my sweats all day. There is no one in the world more important to me than you- yet it's you who constantly see's me at my worst. Its you who gets the brunt of my fatigue and stress. And yet even when I know you've heard me complain, you hear me out again. You take the snappiness, the edginess, and the whining. Sometimes I'm in over my head- thank you for hearing me out and sticking by me when I'm a pain.

I know how much you hate it when I'm struggling. Not because you hate the aftermath of a struggle, but because no matter what we are going through I know I matter to you. I know you love me when I'm on top of the world, and I love everything, and I'm on my game. But thank you for not walking away when I'm on the verge of tears, and I'm telling you I don't know if I can do any more.

The whole idea of loving each other through thick and thin, "for better or worse" has gone away. Its easy to love the "thick" and the "better". But you are my rock through my thin, and worse. And I love you for it. Maybe not love in the crazy, excited, lovestruck way I sometimes love you. But in a very deep, dark, quiet, near to my heart kind of way. It may not feel like it, and it may not look like it- but I love you more than I ever have.

When we got married, it was an act of faith. I loved you sure, but a lot of what I was marrying you for was the promise, the hope. I hoped you would come through for me, be there for me, and turn into the husband and father of my dreams. We have a ways to go yet- sure. But you are the husband of my dreams. You have earned it. I have confidence in you coming through, because you have. I know the laundry, dishes, bills, work, and life as we know it are not exactly conducive to romance- at least not in the typical sense. There really isn't anything sexy and exciting about being tired, and walking though piles of kids toys. But know this- I love you more than ever. You are my everything. Someday our life will change and we'll enter a new phase. Who knows whats coming. I sure don't. But I wouldn't change or trade any of it- not for a minute. Like it or not, you are stuck with me because you have proven to be everything I had hoped and dreamed you would.
I love you.

I LOVE YOU. Maybe that is what has really changed. Maybe I'm in love with love less, and in love with you more. Maybe I was a bit in love with the dating, and whirlwind of gestures we had time for. Who wouldn't love that? I'm grateful we had all that romance and energy to get us going. But what is going to get us through now is the incredible respect and deep appreciation I have for you. You are still my best friend, and though we may have less time now, you are still the one I can't wait to talk to and spend time with. If I had to go through the challenges of life, and I'm pretty sure there is no way around them, I am glad its you by my side. So with all of my heart, I love you. For better and worse, and everything in between.

And to those of you who are newly married- don't panic- but at some point life is going to get hard. It will whether you are married or not. Its just how life is. If you are lucky enough to have someone by your side, don't worry, its not that the romance is gone forever, or that you aren't right for each other. Hang in there. You will have disagreements, challenges, and outright fights. What, he didn't bring you flowers today? Big whoop. She doesn't get sports? Whatever. You will be okay, work it out. I'm not through to the other side of anything, so I can't tell you it gets easier. But the love gets deeper. And its worth every minute.

Maybe mother nature had it right all along. Maybe its not supposed to be spring all the time. Maybe what makes spring springy, is the winter. Maybe love has its seasons too.