The Imperfect Parent

   Parenting is so hard. One of my favorite things about being a mom is how much it has pushed and challenged me. I love talking to other mom's about our kids! Often I am impressed by their ideas, their hard work. I think it is so cute how hard we try to be perfect. Its really sweet. I'm not being sarcastic, I really do think that. And I totally applaud the efforts of dedicated parents. Since I have a pretty harsh intolerance of abusive or neglectful parenting/care-giving, of course I believe it is always of the utmost
 priority to continually strive to improve as parents.

   That said. Inside, I laugh. How often I have caught myself and others agonizing over should-have, could-have's. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. And IF by some miracle you are a perfect parent (trust me, you are not), can you imagine how hard that would be for your kids??

   Let me preface my thoughts today with the following. There is no ideal time to blog. I am always a bit tired, and always have a mile long "to do" list. But sometimes I just get the urge to write, and so I do. By no means do I claim to be at my most articulate at this, or any other time. Sigh. So take my opinion with a good dose of humor and salt and all should go well.

    Moving on. What I mean is this: your kids (as much as you love them) are not perfect. And it is frightening to realize how much they are watching your every move. I think a lot of people are terrified by this, and of course at times I too am flabbergasted. HOWEVER, how wonderful for them that you are imperfect. Because they have the awesome opportunity to watch you screw up and blow it on a daily basis- and if they are really lucky, they will have the opportunity to watch you fix it. And there is no greater teacher than example. (Believe me, they certainly could give a hoot about what you say, no matter how wise or eloquent!)

    Subsequently, when your kids inevitably make mistakes they will know how to handle it. They will know how to say "I'm sorry, I did the wrong thing". I have to apologize pretty often, and to be honest I think I am a pretty dang amazing mom. My kids know how to clean up a mess. They know how to say sorry and give a hug when they blow it. I'm really proud of them for not letting me screw them up. But lets be honest, its not like they were born that way. As an imperfect parent myself, they have watched me fix my mistakes hundreds of times by now!

    I have one other point to make in my case for the imperfect parent. I think my kids are the most adorable, funny, smart, entertaining kids in the whole wide world. I truly do. And if you are a parent, you probably bristle as you think, "cute, sure. but my kids are so much cuter..." and good for you. Every kids deserves parents who think the world of them. And I say the following as a lover of children, no one else thinks your kids are as cute as you do. Which leads me to this. When your fabulous, adorable children push you to the absolute brink of your sanity and you wish for greater patience and kindness remember this. No body thinks your kids are as cute as you do. The world will be much harsher to your tender children, it is better that you are the one to tell them its really annoying when they_____.  Kids do thoughtless  selfish, annoying things (to name a few)! Its a fact. So please, be the one to tell them. If you don't, someone else will (or at the very least your child will be the subject of disapproving glares and conversation).

    To summarize my case of the imperfect parent. 1)There are no perfect parents. But despite what we often think, this is a blessing to our kids. 2) Our kids are not perfect, so it is in their best interest to have up close and real examples from those they love most teaching them that it is okay to make mistakes, and how to fix them. I guess I just really believe that mistakes are part of life, yours as well as your little ones. So work hard, be the best parent you can. But at the end of the day, its not about being perfect. Also at the end of the day, eat ice cream. That's what I'm going to do right now. Not because it makes me a better parent, just because it tastes good and I like it. :)
  Happy Weekend!

Old Dreams, New Eyes

I know I just blogged about this. But I just have too so many thoughts on the subject today. Because today when I woke up, it was official. Over. Done. Which is really hard for me, even though its what I want most.

Remember a little while ago I talked about giving up nursing for my boy...well, I meant every word. But I was also still interviewing for a job. Two years out of school. And with absolutely no experience. I know, I know, I shake my head at myself too. But I had interviews with Children's Healthcare of Atlanta & Gwinnett Medical Center, and I was really excited about them. I though just maybe I could have it all. And I'm all about having it all.

"Having it all". That doesn't even exist. I am no stranger to wanting two things that don't exist together. Just stop by our house on Friday nights and Mike and I are eating ice cream and cuddling on the couch...and Monday night we are doing Insanity trying to work it all off. Sometimes I tell myself if I only have a little ice cream I can still have the body I want...but I've been doing that for, well, decades. And so far it hasn't worked.

Anyway, long story shorter, I didn't get any job offers. I didn't think I would take them, but for some twisted reason I still wanted the choice. Then again, I made my choice, its just been almost two years.

I'm sure my mom told me, I know she was the best example there could have been. But somehow I thought I wouldn't have to give anything up when I had kids. I guess today I just wanted to say, I did. And it is totally worth it. But if you are a mom and have ever wondered what you could have done outside the home, you are not alone. If you think the decision to stay home will be easy, and leave you feeling completely fulfilled, appreciated, and satisfied- I truly hope you have that, but in case you don't- you are not alone. In case there are days you think you are a maid, and a diaper changing machine, and all you do is cook and clean up food...and if ever that seems a little anticlimactic, you are not alone.

By no means do I resent being a mom. I am so grateful to be home every single day. But for today I don't want to pretty it up and say that every day is my wildest dream, because I had a lot of dreams. Some of them just don't fit anymore. And I hope I don't come off as being negative. I just mean to say that it is hard, and that you may have to give things up. And giving things up is not easy, or fun. That's all.

So. Today was the first day of my life that I knew this was it. The old dreams are just that, dreams. And now without having a split focus, and one foot out the door, I find myself looking around with new eyes. This is it! Mike comforted the bitter disappointment of yesterday. Today is new. Our routine hasn't changed. But my mindset has. Today is the first day I don't feel torn, like I am supposed to be in two places at once. Today instead of wondering where I could be, I am making my home with renewed love and appreciation. Surprisingly, it is a relief. And a burden I didn't realize was there, is lifted.

To sum:
Giving up old dreams=hard
Trying to hold on to dreams that don't jive=hard
Dedicating my life to my family & home=hard + liberating

I'm grateful for all of my family & friends who have been/are so wonderful and supportive. I love your comments, and knowing I'm not alone in all of this, so thank you. Here's to a new day, and a new dream!

Ice Fishing

These are my brothers. I have three, and they are seriously the best. They are all rugged, tough, fearless men. And I love them so much. Since these are the boys I grew up with, when I think of "ice fishing" I think of freezing (literally) lakes, drilling a hole, and remaining in this frigid condition for hours. Best case scenario, you get a fish. That's best case scenario. I love my brothers, and I have so many fond memories of things we did growing up, but I cannot honestly say that I ever loved this particular adventure. Of course I may have said I did to try to be the cool sister, but no, in all honesty it was just too cold. And all you get is a fish. And a cold, like the kind that makes your nose run. Such a bummer. Now I'm all grown up, and when I want fish, I just brave the frozen section of Costco or Walmart and buy some. I mean, I still get goosebumps but they don't last very long so its all good.

 








Anyway, that is what I used to think of.  Lately, something new comes to mind. I'm not sure how it all started, but Mike started telling Beckett that the ice chips in his glass were "ice fishies". See below:

Listening to the fishies

Saying "hi" to his ice buddies

Now when I think of ice-fishing, I picture Beckett's little hand fishing around in our glasses trying to "catch a fish". And how he listens intently to hear them say hi. I am crazy about my husband, who the kids absolutely adore. How could they not? He invented ice-fishies. And I can't stop laughing at the delight on Beckett's face at this game. And me and Emma? We are eating (have I mentioned that while she may look like Mike, she is all me), warm, well fed, and loving these boys of ours. If my kids are lucky, their awesome uncles will see to it that they have a proper ice-fishing experience. As for me, I won't trade the memories I have with my brothers for anything. But this new memory will be a treasured addition to my collection of "ice fishing" memories.

Realizing how cold his fish is

How much he loves his ice-fishies!