Retro Plot Twist- Pregnancy

I know, I know. Pregnant? And I mention it so casually at the very end of yesterday's post? Did I know already? How come I didn't mention it earlier? 

Simply because it was Beckett's story. 

But now I'm going to back up again. Because Emma's story overlaps with Beckett's story. It just how it was meant to be, and I can't wait to tell you all about it! 

I'm backing up all the way to the beginning. February, when Mike & I were trying to decide what to do. I took Clomid (ovulation inducing fertility drug) that month, and the plan was that if I ovulated we were going to do another intrauterine insemination. But here is how things really went down. We found out about Beckett, and lined up everything we needed for his adoption. The very next week we got the green light to do another round of fertility treatments. It was Valentines day. 

When I say Mike & I knew Beckett was supposed to come to our family, I really mean it. It was not a question to us. We never scheduled out treatment. We were busy filling out adoption paperwork, meeting with our social worker. 

It took a few weeks to actually meet with our birth-mom (remember, we'd had to reschedule once?). Mike was already at school, I was preparing to leave too. Normal day. Well, mostly normal. I was rehearsing (out loud) how I would introduce ourselves to Anna. You know, practicing the "meet the birth-mom" chat. Other than that it was a pretty normal day. Until I realized what day it was. THE day. 

For those of you who may not personally have had this experience, I'll tell you about THE day. Its the day your body either decides if its pregnant,the first day you can check. The thing about THE day, is that it holds unbelievable hope. It could mean new life. Well, if you think about it, two new lifes. One for your baby, and a whole new life for you as you become a parent. Its a huge deal. Of course, you can't make it a big deal. At least not until you know. Because otherwise it is a day of dream crushing sadness. THE day. See?

So back to THE day. I'm in the bathroom, doing my hair, when I come to this realization. I'm straightening my hair, talking about how much Mike and I want to adopt and how excited I am to be a mother (for the record, I am home alone. I'm just preparing) when I look over and see my box of pregnancy tests on the counter. This is what jogged my memory. TODAY. My stomach is instantly queasy. I cannot tell you how many times I have been sure, sure, I was pregnant- only to be bitterly disappointed. Despite that fac, I always get a little excited. 

So very casually, I took a test. 

This exact test actually. So say I was completely stunned is an absolute understatement. 

But. I had to be sure. So I took another one. Now I'm two for two. Did I even want to go to class anymore? Was I doing something? I can't exactly account for the next few minutes. There were a million things racing through my mind.







Alright. So I had a LOT going through my mind. At the top of the list was how I was going to tell Mike. I had so many cute ideas. This was pre-pinterest for me, but I had had a lot of time to prepare. It was going to be so awesome. 

Except I was freaking out with excitement. I didn't think I could make it. I was going to school, and by the time I got home Mike would be at work. Could I wait an extra day? No. I could not. I could not wait 10 extra minutes. I called Mike. No answer. But this could not wait. So, I texted him the first picture. The one that very clearly said "pregnant". It took about 5 minutes before he called me back. I think he said something like "are you sure". As though maybe I borrowed someone else's pregnancy test as a joke? But, I cut him some slack, because as I have mentioned, Mike is not huge into surprises. So there you have it, years of waiting and that was the "awesome" and "adorable" way I told Mike we were pregnant. Texting. To this day I am still a little annoyed at myself for doing it that way. Oh well, there is always next time :) Anyway. 

Nope, we don't drink. Its just sparkling white grape juice;)

Here we are celebrating that night. See how happy I am? Can you see how dazed Mike is? I can't tell if I see it just because I know how he was feeling, or if its obvious. I just feel like it's so obvious. 

We were so excited. And so nervous. And so surprised. 






Did you know that roughly 15-20% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage? I did. I knew it was very early. As we looked at our future, the odds were still very high that the adoption would fall through or our pregnancy would end in miscarriage. One? Two? None? Those were all options for how many kids we would have at the end of this. 


I took a pregnancy test every other day for a week. About that time I started having morning sickness, super tender breasts (wow, such fun to blog such words as ovaries and breasts), and fatigue that kept me convinced that I was in fact pregnant so I stopped taking tests. But I still worried.
  
The next few months were a crazy busy blur.We finished our semester strong. We did our home study. I read up on adoption, and pregnancy. Mike was working two jobs, and I picked up as many shifts as I could manage. I went to appointments with our birth mom, terrified somehow she would know I was pregnant and that would change her mind. Once she told me she hoped I would get pregnant soon so he would have someone to play with. I laughed. I laughed so hard she probably thought I was crazy (and lets be honest, the hormone surge and stress of the moment may have rendered me temporarily nuts), and then said something casual like "I hope so too". 

In a moment of utter honestly, I have say it was hard. We had so much going on, emotionally, financially, academically, etc. It took a while for Mike to wrap his head around our pregnancy and get excited. I felt like I was on a secret roller coaster. It was just too early to tell everyone what was going on. I was heartset on our two babies. They would be so close, I daydreamed about how they would be best friends. I was anxiously negotiating Beckett's adoption while trying to hold back constant nausea  Mike was my rock, but have you ever tried talking to a rock? I basically have. 

But to be fair, somebody had to keep it steady. Somebody had to point out that there was nothing we could do about anything at midnight, and that we needed sleep (the "what-ifs" were never ending). Of course at some point I really did just need to calm down and relax. May I just point out, I don't think everything in life is meant to be easy. Having kids is hard. Sometimes getting them here is hard. We signed up for it. And it took both of us to make everything work. But Mike proved himself to be the husband and partner I needed by my side, and I have never doubted him. So yes, it was hard. Not every moment was glamorous, happy, or easy. But I knew he would be there for me, no matter what.  

We finally had an ultrasound at 14 weeks. The greatest part for Mike was knowing it wasn't twins (his absolute worst fear), and for me it was hearing that rapid little heartbeat. I had started to feel movement about that time which was the greatest thing I ever could have imagined. I told my mom (in secret). A week later it was Mother's Day. We made cards containing the ultrasounds pictures of both babies as our way of telling our family we were pregnant. Their reactions were priceless. My sister-in-law literally screamed and jumped out of her chair to hug me! Everyone was so surprised! I can't tell you how much it meant to  have everyone supporting us. Well, actually, I can tell you. It meant everything to me. Beckett's induction was right around the corner and having the wave of love and support behind us going into that is what got me through. That is what it meant to me.

I have to end today by expressing my thanks. I have wonderful friends & family who were there when I confided in them. I had a few really amazing friends who actually threw a little shower for me & B right before he was born. If you are reading this, you know who you are, and you know what you did- and I am still grateful. I am grateful for everyone who supported us. I believe both of these little babies were meant to come to our family, in this time, and in this way. I believe they were heaven sent. And I'm grateful for all those who were our angels along the way. It made all the difference.